Reflections of Moments on the Fringe

Mary Catherine Caldwell

As I sit here contemplating so many thoughts, I am overwhelmed at where my mind and my heart are going. After just reading how the Lord God is the creator and we are the molded clay before him, I find myself prostrate on the floor because that’s the only way that I can come before his throne. Paul says that some vessels are molded for glory and some for destruction. Some for mercy and others to be hardened. I am so in awe; the fear and reverence of the most holy most powerful maker has been burned upon me. I am before him—the whole, powerful, solid, true, beautiful great I AM—and I am fearful of his power yet I am thrown on my face in thanksgiving that he had mercy on me! That he adopted me, my name, as in Isaiah, was called, and I am his. I feel in awe of him and so inadequate to look upon his glory; I feel as Job did crying out for a mediator. 

I realize that in order to understand the freedom of the Lord the fear and awe of him must be encountered. To be able to bask in his freedom, his adoption, his covenant, his promise, it is so important to be reminded of his perfect divineness and power. I am so thankful to be reminded of the precious grace and the beautiful image of Christ standing in the gap on our behalf, adorned as our beautiful high priest.

I am also reminded of being outside with my roommate Hahna a few weeks ago when we had the most enchanting encounter with the moon. In a few moments we became aware of the realness and raw truth of our God. All this earth was but a vague pointer at the reality of the moon and color and galaxy and beauty before us. It was a moment of being on the fringe—seeing into the deep and being reminded of unseen reality. I was aware that what is most real is not always seen, but rather experienced. We began to think upon the depth of beauty that we as citizens of this earth have only barely tapped into.

It is disheartening to consider that for so many what is seen in this physical world is what is real and all else considered ‘spiritual’ is not real. As believers, it is crucial for us stand by the truth that the spiritual is reality and all else should be seen through its lens. In the first chapter of John it is written that the world is made in Christ and through him yet the world didn’t even recognize his presence when he graced his own creation. Not only is this creation full of glimpses of the beauty of our Lord, his incarnation was the ultimate revelation. He is the truth of it all on earth-He is the reality that is so hard to see. God sent him to show us that and to allow us to see him, to know him, and to be redeemed through him.

And now as I sit here reflecting I am drawn to the scripture before me. I am overwhelmed at its bounty of treasure. I feel like an excavator as I dig gem after gem of precious truth out of these words. It is the most tangible truth I know and as I mediate on the scriptures I find them coming alive before my minds eye. It is so beautiful that the magnificent sculptor of all things has hidden jewels for me to find. I feel so lost in these words yet at the same time I feel most known and found. It is times like now, and the other night with the moon, when I am lost . . . and also found in the perfect truth of the scriptures. My soul is being summoned, my true name is being called, and I feel that the veil between this world and the next is very thin. Moments like these when one is caught up in worship and awe of the living God are so precious. Too real and beautiful to be put into mere words. I feel at times like this, times sitting on the fringes of this world, that God reveals something to me . . . I don’t even know what exactly it is but it is a bit more of him and a taste of his beauty—I continually long for the knowledge of it.

Mary Catherine Caldwell, also known as Mimi, is a 2007 Academy Fellow. She had a hard time writing this article because she thinks in terms of images and sometimes feels that she hasn’t painted the whole picture for her audience. Mimi has a passion for all things British or anything that is made of sugar, which she only consumes when Splenda is not available. Mimi studied art and design and hopes to include samples of her work in later newsletters.

1 Responses • Fellows, Tue 12 Dec 2006